[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
We have a rare update today on a story from way back in 2014. In fact, it’s from exactly ten years ago.
For those who don’t know, Julia Roberts‘ sister Nancy Motes tragically died by suicide on February 9, 2014. At the time, word was she had written a lengthy note — and in it had basically blamed her movie star sister. A source told the NY Daily News that an EMT found a 5-page note in which there “were three pages of rantings that her sister drove her to do this.”
Important to note: Mental health experts advise mental illness is complex, and no one event or person should be seen as the cause for another’s suicide.
It was an awful thing to hear, but it did match what Nancy was saying online. She had infamously tweeted just four months earlier:
“So my ‘sister’ said that with all her friends & fans she doesn’t need anymore love. Just so you all know ‘America’s Sweetheart’ is a BITCH!!”
We can’t imagine having such a falling out with a sibling. After Nancy’s passing, her fiancé John Dilbeck seemed to be looking for peace, even if it was too late for his love. He put out a statement saying his late beloved really did love her family still:
“John Dilbeck and his extended family would like to express their heartfelt condolences to all of Nancy Motes’ family and friends. We loved her dearly and will miss her always. Please know that the words she wrote in online venues were those of someone in pain who loved her family and longed for a closer bond with them.”
But now he’s changed his tune. The years have apparently only made him feel more inclined to hold resentment toward Julia for what happened with Nancy.
In his part of the note — which was apparently a total of 13 pages, with some of it going directly to Julia and some directly to their mother Betty — Nancy did mention her disdain for her sister. She wrote in a section willing her earthly possessions to John:
“My mother and so-called ‘siblings’ get nothing except the memory that they are the ones that drove me into the deepest depression I’ve ever been in.”
Nancy’s death haunts John. Even 10 years later, time has not come close to healing this wound. He tells DailyMail.com on Friday:
“It feels like I’ve been trapped in a coma. Life kind of stopped, the whole world fell apart after her death. I never recovered. You know, I’ve never had another serious relationship. Even after ten years, I’m devastated. Nancy was the world to me. It’s a hole in my soul. I just feel so empty and incomplete without her. They say you’re really fortunate if you ever find one soulmate in a life and maybe that was it. I still try to be hopeful, but here we are a decade later. It doesn’t feel that long, it feels like a blur. Once Nancy died, the pieces never got back together. I never found another solution. My life was very much ruined because I thought that was my future.”
Julia has never spoken about her sister’s death publicly. And less than a month afterward she was sharing her megawatt smile at the Oscars, taking part in Ellen DeGeneres‘ internet-breaking selfie.
Living 10 years with the contents of that note — and nothing from Julia to change his mind — he’s come to believe Nancy’s version of events. He says:
“The note makes it very clear how horrible and wretched Julia had tormented Nancy her whole life. It showed the despair Nancy felt. It’s so heartbreaking. Anyone could see why someone In Nancy’s position had been pushed so far that the only way to escape her torment was to take her own life. That’s clearly what Nancy believed.”
Now he believes Julia was to blame — and if she really is such a horrible human being, he assumed one day the other shoe would drop:
“So many people have been outed, the toxic stars, I’ve been waiting for Julia to fall, I felt like it was a matter of time. But now that story gets overshadowed by other scandalous events, which seem to happen on a weekly basis, we just move onto the next scandal.”
Maybe this interview is to step into that shoe and take the next step himself? He certainly expresses a deep pain:
“I still feel resentful, anger. The wound doesn’t go away, it doesn’t heal. I can’t even forgive Julia for all that she’s done, because she lives in a fantasy bubble, where she would just deny everything.”
Why would he think that?
— Ellen DeGeneres (@EllenDeGeneres) March 3, 2014
Damn, Kevin Spacey AND Jared Leto? That photo really didn’t age well…
Anyway, John continues:
“Nancy was made to look like some sort of drug addict that died of an overdose, which it turns out was never the case. The prescription medication was used by Nancy as a means to an end. Julia drove her into the deepest depression. But it’s a side of the story that’s kind of brushed off just like people don’t want to believe that Santa Claus isn’t real. At the time, Julia was the self-proclaimed American sweetheart – she is anything but.”
John claims he was banned from the funeral, that the family kept the location from him and threatened anyone else who told him. He says he learned later Julia gave a eulogy he thought was “harsh,” in which she said wanted to wring her sister’s neck “because she didn’t wait to see the joy that comes with the morning.” He doesn’t think it was right:
“I asked some friends afterwards what it was like, ‘Do you think that’s what Nancy would have wanted?’ And they all unanimously said, ‘Absolutely no, she would be appalled by it’. Everyone there said they felt very awkward especially when Julia got up to speak. It just adds insult to injury.”
He still thinks the other shoe is coming, explaining:
“But I believe she’s really got bad Karma coming. I’ve got to believe that somehow Karma has to get this woman. She is absolutely wretched.”
Wow. He really isn’t trying to keep any sort of peace anymore. Such a devastating story.
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, help is available. Consider contacting the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, by calling, texting, or chatting, or go to 988lifeline.org.
[Image via HBO/YouTube/Brian To/WENN.]